Convexity - Building Bridges

<body bgcolor="white" class="arial10"> <table width="95%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr valign="top"> <td><img src="../../images/hauptauswahl/spacer.gif" width="10" height="10"></td> <td class="times10bold"> News<br><br> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>29.07.2010 - prepare for your weekend...</strong><br><hr /><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size: 12pt"><p> </p></span></font> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt">A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.</span></font></span><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt"><br /><br /></span></font><span class="apple-style-span"><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt">The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."</span></font></span><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt"><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span">Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."</span><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span">The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"</span><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span">The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."</span><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span">And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end</span><br /><span class="apple-style-span">the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"</span><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span">The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced</span><br /><span class="apple-style-span">it to women.</span></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt"></span></font></p><font face="Courier New" size="2"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt"></span></font><hr /></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>19.07.2010 - to start the week with....</strong><br><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "No, not yet, Father."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "Oh, yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">The Father said, "That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt">She replied, "'E's gone to Rome to blow out your fookin' candle."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"> </span></p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>26.06.2010 - 44 years after Wembley...</strong><br><p>The English team went to visit an orphanage yesterday....</p><p> </p><p>It is so rewarding to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, no future, limited skills, constant struggling to survive and facing the impossible"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>said Sipho Umbuto, aged 6... <br /></p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>08.06.2010 - what bothered you for long...</strong><br><span style="font-size: 11pt">1. A day without sunshine is like night.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.<p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt">24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. </span><span style="font-size: 11pt">What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt"><p> </p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt"><p> </p></span><p> </p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>12.05.2010 - ready for a mid-week cheerup ???</strong><br><p>Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on. </p><p>The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."</p><p>The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded." </p><p>The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."</p><p>The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."</p><p>But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You are all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and there are only two moving parts, the mouth and the asshole - and they are interchangeable."</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>07.05.2010 - for your weekend and pleasure</strong><br><p>Have you ever seen such a great flow- or organisation chart ?</p><p>When the top level guys look down they only see shit; when the bottom level guys look up they only see assholes...</p><p> </p></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1273150370_100506_shit_happens.JPG" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>06.05.2010 - Ponderism</strong><br>I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. <br /><br />Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. <br /><br />The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.<br /><br />Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. <br /><br />There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. <br /><br />Life is sexually transmitted.<br /><br />Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.<br /><br />The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth. <br /><br />Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. <br /><br />Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? <br /><br />Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again<br /><br />All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. <br /><br />In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. <br /><br />How is it one careless match can start a bushfire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? <br /><br />Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' <br /><br />Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its arse.' <br /><br />Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? <br /><br />If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? <br /><br />If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?<br /><br />Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?<br /><br />Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? <br /><br />Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? </span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>28.04.2010 - Drinks party for under-aged</strong><br>I think the best one-liner of a recent conference : Paul McCulley noted that the debt crisis (the shadow banking system, subprime mortgages, SIVs, etc.) was the equivalent of an under-age drinking party with the rating agencies handing out fake IDs....</span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>17.03.2010 - For the week and birthday</strong><br><hr /></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1269008816_100317_Birthday.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>12.02.2010 - Happy New Year, Tiger !</strong><br><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">虎年送头虎，</span> <br /><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">虎蹄为您开财路，</span> <br /><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">虎尾为您拂忧愁，</span> <br /><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">虎耳为您撞鸿运，</span> <br /><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">虎背为您驮康寿，</span> <br /><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">让这头虎伴您左右</span><span style="font-family: 'STXingkai','serif'; font-size: 18pt">, 全家乐悠悠。</span> <br /><br />and if you want to know what it means... drop us a line !</span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1265978809_Tiger_2010.JPG" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>05.02.2010 - the weekend story</strong><br><font color="black" face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">OLD VERSION </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. <br />The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. </font></font></span></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! </font></font></span></font><font color="black" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"> </span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">MODERN VERSION </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be <br /></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...' </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Pope for the grasshopper's plight. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood. </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it. </font></font></span></font></p></font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2">MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010</font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"> </font></font></span></font><font color="black"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><font face="Arial"><font size="2"><p class="MsoNormal"><font color="black" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: black; font-size: 14pt"><hr /></span></font></p><p> </p><p> </p>. <p> </p></font></font></span></font><p class="MsoNormal"></p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>28.01.2010 - Winter in Ireland</strong><br><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.<br /></font></font><p><font face="Garamond" size="3"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><font face="Garamond"> John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.</font></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond"> Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John , paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond"> Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond"> Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.<br /></font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk. </font></font><font size="3"><font face="Garamond"> Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.... <br /></font></font><p><font face="Garamond" size="3"> </font></p><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">  <br /></font></font><p><font face="Garamond" size="3"> </font></p><font size="3"><font face="Garamond">'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'<br /></font></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>17.11.2009 - stux results for October</strong><br><hr /><p><font face="Arial" size="2">Stux Capital  continues to perform and very well on top ! And for quite a while, too ! This months only the "value" concept failed to beat the benchmark. CalPERS added money to Stux strategies.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="2">The funds-information shows that "core structured", "growth" und "value" has beaten their benchmark this year by 381, 489 und 273 basispoints; "core" product underperformed by 54 basispoints. </font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="2">call us for the monthly report a</font><font face="Arial" size="2">nd the risk disclosure report for you</font></p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>13.11.2009 - Convexity and its partners</strong><br><hr /></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1258112304_091112_Partner_aktuell.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>09.11.2009 - Customs nightmare</strong><br><hr /><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala toputta </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">5 people in a Quattro."</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> "Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> "Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans says </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> persons."</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> "You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">are thereforea breaking the law."</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> over. </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 7pt"><p> </p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> "Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt">He'sa busy </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"> witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt"><hr /></span></p><p> </p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>22.10.2009 - Stux Quarterly Results </strong><br><hr /><font face="Times New Roman"><p align="left">For the month of September, three of  four products outperformed their benchmarks. Only the Core product underperformed. </p><ul><li><div align="left">Year-to-date, the Core Structured, Growth, and Value products have outperformed their benchmarks by 3.0% or more.</div></li><li>The Core product has underperformed its benchmark year-to-date by 1.40%.</li></ul><p>Look no further for an exceptional US equity manager ! The quarterly report and the performance disclosure are within reach. you just need to call</p><hr /></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>15.09.2009 - US equities - an idea for an excellent manager</strong><br><p> </p><hr /><em>The question is where the next growth is derived from : is it the US, Asia or even Europe ?<br />The debate is ongoing. There are many arguments in favour of a US based recovery.<br />That requires an excellent manager. And - look no further - we've hired him already. </em><p><em>Ivan Stux used to run the quant team of the Morgan Stanley equity research (not all things were evil at the time) and he quit in Y2K to set up his own investment management firm with the support of CalPERS who are still invested.</em></p><p><em>The segments "core structured", "growth" and "value" all have outperformed their benchmarks by more than 250 bps whilst the "core" segment underperformed its benchmark by 75 bps (all y-t-d)</em></p><p><a href="../../images/content/1253005844_090915_update.pdf" target="_blank"><em>You may look at the attached docs with the details of the performance up to and including August.</em></a><em> </em></p><p><a href="../../images/content/1253005871_090831_-_Stux_Disclosure_Statement.pdf" target="_blank"><em>The disclosure statements are also attached.</em></a></p><hr /></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>13.09.2009 - have a nice weekend</strong><br><p> </p><hr />by the way our toll free number is 08000 1 08000 <p> </p><p>Customer:     'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.<br />Operator:     'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. <br />Customer:     'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.<br />Operator:     'Sir, they are our opening hours'. <br />----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Samsung Electronics <br />Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' <br />Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. <br />Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' <br />Operator:      'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.<br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />RAC Motoring Services <br />Caller:          'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' <br />Operator:      ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?' <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): <br />'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Directory Enquiries <br />Caller:               'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'. <br />Operator:          'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?' <br />Caller:               'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'. <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. <br />Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?' <br />Caller:             'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '. <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: <br />'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'. <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.<br />Customer:             'OK'.<br />Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. <br />Customer:             'No'.<br />Tech Support:      'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'<br />Customer:             'No'.<br />Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. <br />Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''. <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Tech Support:          'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'<br />Customer:                 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?' <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'. <br />---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------- <br />This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. <br />Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; <br />Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): </p><p>Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' <br />Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' <br />Operator:         'What sort of trouble??' <br />Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' <br />Operator:         'Went away?' <br />Caller:              'They disappeared.' <br />Operator:         'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' <br />Caller:              'Nothing.' <br />Operator:         'Nothing??' <br />Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' <br />Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??' <br />Caller:              'How do I tell?' <br />Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??' <br />Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?' <br />Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' <br />Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' <br />Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' <br />Caller:              'What's a monitor?' <br />Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??' <br />Caller:               'I don't know.' <br />Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' <br />Caller:              'Yes, I think so.' <br />Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. <br />Caller:              'Yes, it is.'<br />Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??' <br />Caller:               'No.'<br />Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' <br />Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'<br />Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' <br />Caller:               'I can't reach.'<br />Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'<br />Caller:               'No.'<br />Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' <br />Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'<br />Operator:          'Dark??'<br />Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. <br />' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'<br />Caller:               'I can't.'<br />Operator:          'No? Why not??'<br />Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.' <br />Operator:  'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.<br />Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??' <br />Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' <br />Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'<br />Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?' <br />Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'<br />Caller:                 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'<br />Operator:            'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!' </p><p> </p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>10.09.2009 - David Letterman....</strong><br><hr />For anyone who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's show where this story was told, read this: (And remember it's a true story...)<br />              On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.<br />              As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me.' Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.<br />              Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased!   The elevator didn't move.    Panic consumed her. ´My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!<br />Her heart plummeted..  Perspiration poured from every pore.<br />              Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.' Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.<br />              'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.     More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what FLoor you're going to, we'll push the button.' The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.<br />              The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men.               They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially.<br />              He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.' She was too humiliated to speak.<br />              The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.<br />              The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband. The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses.<br /><p class="MsoNormal">              Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill. The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.'             It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan. <hr /></p><br /><p> </p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>09.09.2009 - Maddoff and the banking scene</strong><br><hr /></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1252479803_pic04675.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>18.08.2009 - some news from Kabul...</strong><br><hr /><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 10pt">Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in<br />Kabul,Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.<br />She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their<br />husbands.<br /><br />She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk<br />behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive >Taliban<br />regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old<br />custom.<br /><br />Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do<br />you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so<br />desperately to change?'<br /><br />The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without<br />hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'<br /><br />Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where<br />you go): Behind every Man is a Smart Woman! <hr /></span></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>24.07.2009 - some more wisdom for the weekend....</strong><br><div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in   Africa taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company. </span> <p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading </span><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. </span> </p></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">The old poodle thinks, 'Oh-oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard!  I wonder if there are any more around here?' </span> <p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!' </span> </p></div><p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. </span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going t o happen to that conniving canine! </span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, </span> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! </span> </p><p></p><div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">Moral of this story.... </span> <p> </p></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">....  age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience. </span> <p> </p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt"><p> </p></span> </div><span style="font-family: 'Geneva','serif'; font-size: 13.5pt">I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more "youthfully challenged".</span> <p> </p></div></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>02.07.2009 - greetings from Downunder</strong><br><font size="2"><p>The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.</p><p>The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.</p><p>It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".</p><p>The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".</p><p>Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.</p><p>The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.</p><p>Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.</p><p>And at a local level...</p><p>New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Sh**, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". </p><p>Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level. </p></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>27.06.2009 - Are there illusions in Asset Management ???</strong><br><p>are there illusions in Asset Management ? this question comes up every now and then. I think there are - if you look at Einstein now, just move back 5 or 6 yards away from your screen and you will discover the face of....</p><hr /></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1238165859_EinsteinMonroe.JPG" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>11.03.2009 - Some medical advice...</strong><br><font size="2"><font face="Courier New">Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? </font><br /><br />A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of <br />your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. <br /><br />Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? <br /><br />A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. <br /><br />Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? <br /><br />A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! <br /><br />Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? <br /><br />A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. <br /><br />Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? <br /><br />A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! <br /><br />Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? <br /><br />A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... <br />Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. <br />How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? <br /><br />Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? <br /><br />A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. <br /><br />Q: Is chocolate bad for me? <br /><br />A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! <br /><br />Q: Is swimming good for your figure? <br /><br />A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. <br /><br />Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? <br /><br />A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! <br /><br />Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. <br /><br />And remember: <br /><br />'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body horoughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' <br /><br /><br />AND.....<br /><br />For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. <br /><br />1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.<br /><br />2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. <br /><br />3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.<br /><br />4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. <br /><br />5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.<br /><br /><br /><br />CONCLUSION<br /><br />Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.</font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>10.03.2009 - Credit Cards.....</strong><br><p>see what may happen when you next try to pay your <a title="credit card" href="../../images/content/1236682239_CreditCard-2009.jpg" target="_blank">bill....</a></p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>21.02.2009 - What have we learned in 2063 years?</strong><br><p>Obviously nothing...</p><p>"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."</p><p>- Cicero</p><p>- 55 BC</p><hr /></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>21.01.2009 - Banking worries</strong><br><hr /><font face="Trebuchet MS">What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's - Jay Leno <hr /></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>09.01.2009 - Harry Truman...</strong><br><p>A humble man who entered the limelight, took care of business, then returned to being what he was - a humble man.</p><p>Harry S Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.</p><p>The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence, Missouri. His wife had inherited the house from her mother and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.</p><p>When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.</p><p>After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves.</p><p>There was no Secret Service following them.</p><p>When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale." </p><p>Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise." </p><p>As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food. </p><p>Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale.</p><p>Good ol' Harry S Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>09.01.2009 - Perhaps Australia is it !!!</strong><br><hr /><font size="2"><p>Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks. </p><p>Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. </p><p>Quote:</p><p>'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.' </p><p>'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom' </p><p>'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, Learn the language!' </p><p>'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.' </p><p>'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.' </p><p>'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.' </p><p>'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.' </p></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>19.12.2008 - Factory Jobs are rare and funny</strong><br><hr /><p>There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.</p><p>Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.</p><p>The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.</p><p>He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.</p><p>The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.</p><p>At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.</p><p>The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.</p><p>The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.</p><p>'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'</p><p>'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>18.12.2008 - Ponzi scheme even in the UK ???</strong><br><p>Regulators were stunned last night by Gordon Brown(off)'s admission that he had for a decade been running a giant Ponzi scheme.</p><p>Across the UK, investors were seduced by his pledge of never-ending returns and his promise that there would be no return to boom and bust.</p><p>Some say there were red flags that were obvious to anyone who took the trouble to look. They point to his claim to have abolished the business cycle and the constant flow of cash into public sector salaries - all of it funded by debt and promises of ever greater tax returns.</p><p>For years he was giving money to one group by taking it from another. Nurses were paid by money raised from utilities; utilities were paid by cuts in corporation tax; women were paid by money raised from men and men paid by money raised on women. Teachers were financed by smokers and smokers by drivers.</p><p>Even to the end Brownoff was seeking new victims. Last month he offered existing investors a £20bn payout - paid through a complex VAT reduction mechanism. Delighted investors pocketed the cash and Brownoff's opinion poll stock rose steadily. But investigators say he never had the money for the payout and intended to get it back from those same investors over the next three years, trying to sell new Brownoff bonds to credulous overseas buyers.</p><p>The secretive Brownoff for years resisted having his books audited independently, preferring instead to use a husband-and-wife firm in Pontefract, Balls Cooper.</p><p>Part of his success was he seemed so well-connected. "He even knew Peter Mandelson," said one investor</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>15.12.2008 - a few things to smile about....</strong><br><p><br /> It was mealtime<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span> during  an airline flight.  'Would you like dinner?'  the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  'What are my<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>choices?'  John asked.  'Yes or no,' she  replied.<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br /> <br />SMART ASS ANSWER<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>#5<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />A flight attendant was<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span> to see your ticket, not your stub.'<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />SMART ASS ANSWER<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>#4<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />A lady was picking<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>dead.'<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />SMART ASS ANSWER<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>#3<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />The police officer got<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>out of his car as the kid who was stopped for<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>officer said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>ticket.<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />SMART ASS ANSWER #2<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />A truck driver was<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />SMART ASS ANSWER<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>OF THE YEAR 2008 !!<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br />  <br />A college teacher<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoev er!' A<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>with your other hand.'<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br />A BONUS EXTRA<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span></p><p>A woman is standing<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span>replied, 'Your eyesight's good.'<span class="ecapple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br /></p><hr /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br />  <p> </p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>11.12.2008 - Falls Sie immer noch an den Weihnachtsmann glauben...</strong><br><hr /><p><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial">A Christmas Story for people having a bad day: </span><br /><br /><font face="Arial" size="4"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial">When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.<br /><br />Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.<br /><br />When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.<br /><br />Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.<br /><br />Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.<br /><br />Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. </span></font><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial"><br /></span></font><br /><font face="Arial" size="4"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial">The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'<br /><br />And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.</span></font></p><font face="Arial" size="4"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial"><hr /><p> </p><hr /></span></font></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>10.12.2008 - Christmas Party</strong><br><p>Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's xmas party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the xmas party.</p><p>As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.</p><p>Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.</p><p>And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.</p><p>He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.</p><p>He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eyestaring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with littlehearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey,breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to makeyou your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'</p><p>He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.</p><p>His 16 year old son is also at the table,eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'</p><p>'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door'</p><p>Confused,he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'</p><p>His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'</p><p> </p><p>Broken coffee Table $239.99</p><p>Hot breakfast $4.20</p><p>Two aspirins $.38</p><p>Saying the right thing, at the right time:</p><p>PRICELESS</p><hr /></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>05.12.2008 - he finnally did it !!!</strong><br><hr /></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1228464542_Escape.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>24.11.2008 - That looked quite different before...</strong><br>...isn't it funny to see how times are changing ?</span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1227516000_UBS.JPG" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>24.11.2008 - In case you were wondering...</strong><br><p>...who is running the country :</p><p>1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country</p><p>2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.</p><p>3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.</p><p>4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts in color.</p><p>5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it or take those pesky drug tests.</p><p>6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.</p><p>7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train and the Yankees win.</p><p>8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated and the Mets win.</p><p>9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores to see how the Mets & Yankees did.</p><p>10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if th ere is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that it stands for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist bisexual dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.</p><p>11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.</p><p>12. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>14.11.2008 - quite a mathematical thought....</strong><br><p>Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me Laugh Out Loud.) Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But , A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%</p></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>09.11.2008 - The Tunnel</strong><br><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: 'Courier New'">Due to recent budget cuts, lack of funding facilities and the rising cost of energy, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off</span></span></p> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>21.05.2008 - our new office in Frankfurt</strong><br>Here you can see us in our new office</span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1221806289_Buero_Bilder_english.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>19.05.2008 - That's where we are in Frankfurt</strong><br><p align="center"><font style="background-color: #cccccc">our new address</font></p><p align="center"><font style="background-color: #cccccc">Bockenheimer Landstrasse 79, 60325 Frankfurt   Our phone numbers have not changed</font></p><p> </p></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1221664946_Karte_Buero_2008.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>27.06.2007 - New trendfollower has joined Convexity !</strong><br><p>We are gad to inform you about a new principal. Grohmann & Weinrauter is a specialist trend follower founded in 1991. They have successfully broadened their retail fund business and we shall now work with them on the institutional side.</p><p>Especially in weaker bond- and equity markets it is worth looking at their track record</p></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1182953569_Praesentation_Institutionelle_070520_Auszug_english_JPG.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>07.11.2006 - Stresstest</strong><br><p>Stresstest is key to all insurance regulated entities (as if they had not enough stress already). If you want to manage your assets to optimize your stresstest related returns, keep looking at the below chart. We have the solution for you !</p></span></p> <img src="../../images/content/1162899103_iocap_test.jpg" border=0> <p class="times12bold"><span class="times11"><strong>01.07.2006 - BaFin granted Convexity license</strong><br>BaFin (our FSA/SEC equivalent) granted Convexity the license to operate as a financial intermediary. We are since regulated by the BaFin and our activities are supervised by the Bundesbank.</span></p> <p> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <p><span class="times09Kapitaelchen"><a href="../hauptauswahl/f_hauptauswahl.php" target="_top">Home</a> • <a href="../news/f_news.php" target="_top">News</a> • <a href="../dienstleistung/auswahl/f_dienstleistung.php" target="_top">Dienstleistung</a> • <a href="../team/f_team.php" target="_top">Team</a> • <a href="../ueber_uns/f_ueber_uns.php" target="_top">Über Uns</a> • <a href="f_links.php" target="_top"><font color="#615E70">Links</font></a> • <a href="../kontakt/anfrage/f_anfrage.php" target="_top">Kontakt</a></span><span class="times09Kapitaelchen"><a href="../kontakt/anfrage/f_anfrage.php" target="_top"><br> </a></span><span class="times08boldKapitaelchen"><a href="../kontakt/anfrage/f_anfrage.php" target="_top">  </a></span></p>  <script type="text/javascript"> var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? 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